Crimson PalletSwap
by InSaNiTyBrO
Summary: With quirky humor, and hysterical plotlines, Crimson PalletSwap is one of the most unique Pokemon OC series out there, and don't think i'm bragging! see for yourself :3 ::WARNING:: crazy plotlines that could make any die-hard Pokemon fan cry of laughter.
1. Chapter 1

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 1

Hello! My name is Crimson Palletswap, although I suppose you could have already guessed that by the big name at the top.

I am currently on a huge ice bridge somewhere along route 21 with my buddy Slowpoke.

Now I know most of you are either very curious about how I ended up here or quickly changing over to blogs done by people with actual talent, but for those of you who want to stay I'm gonna first bore you with back-story.

I was born under the sign of the Magicarp in the year of the Growlithe on Cinnabar Island.

I've had my best friend Slowpoke with me ever since I was born. The story goes that while my mom was in labor a trainer was walking by our hospital when a Pokeegg (is that spelt with 1 or 2 e's) he was carrying started to hatch and out popped a Slowpoke. He was so disappointed that he had his Machamp punt it as far away from him as possible. Conveniently enough the Machamp was facing the hospital when it kicked the poor thing and it crashed through the window of the room my mom was in. so the trainer got arrested and I got a new friend.

Fast forward to this morning where slowpoke and I were trying (futilely) to cross the sea to get to Pallet Town. We have been trying this for about seven years now. You see I've always wanted to be a Pokémon trainer but my parents were against it. They're the kind of people who believe all Pokémon should be free and Pokémon battles are barbaric. When I turned ten my dad made a deal with me, I could become a Pokémon trainer, but I would get no help from them.

So for the past seven years I've been trying to get to Pallet Town to register and get a Pokedex. I would have registered at the Pokémon center but I've been banned for life ever since my parents launched a raid when I was 9 to try to steal as many Pokémon as they could so they could release them into the wild, and ever since my parents burned down the gym (they got away with it by claiming Blaine did it) there are no trainers I can hitch a ride with, since no boats go to Pallet Town.

This morning me and Slowpoke (I refuse to use Slowpoke and I since I paid for top billing) went out to the north beach as usual and got ready for the usual struggle to get over that blue barrier.

Now generally I'm a very mellow person, but I got a bad night's sleep last night so I wasn't in the best mood.

Me and Slowpoke were just getting into the shallows when suddenly we were jumped by a Tentacool. I usually wear a repel at all times to prevent these occurrences but apparently my old one had just worn off. I'm not sure what quite came over me at that moment. Maybe it was some odd mixture of pent up frustration at seven years of failure mixed with anger at my parents for always caring more for their Poketarian (terrorist) activities than they did about me.

At that moment something snapped inside me and all the restraint I had been showing all my life suddenly vanished from my heart.

I opened my mouth and with a feral cry shouted "SLOWPOKE! ATTACK!"

As if he was resonating with my feelings (yes he's a dude, I had him checked) my best friend Slowpoke opened his mouth and fired off a MASSIVE blue beam that hit the Tentacool right on that weird forehead jewel thing and INSTANTLY FROZE IT!

But the beam didn't stop there. It shot across the sea right off into the horizon.

Me and slowpoke stood there for a minute equally dumbfounded (although it's kinda hard to tell with Slowpoke given he looks like all the time). I looked at him, and he looked at me, and we smiled.

We found our way out.

Skating to the future,

Crimson Palletswap


	2. Chapter 2

part 2

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 2

So I woke up thing morning to a rather gruesome sight, it turned out that I was sleeping right on top of a frozen Swimmer Male. That was awkward.

Anyways after a few more hours of walking across the barren wasteland of our own doing (I'm so proud of Slowpoke I could cry (but I didn't)) we took our firsts steps onto the mainland. Amazingly my Slowpoke's attack (I think I'll call it "Ice Beam") didn't do any damage to the town we walking into (ok a few flower gardens were dead but I like to think that was due to poor watering and not anything to do with us).

In the upper left corner appeared the words "Pallet Town" so I knew we were in the right place. I walked up to a nearby man and asked him where I could find Professor Oak's lab. He told me to go to the biggest building in town (which was pretty easy to find seeing as there were only 3 buildings).

No sooner did I enter the building than I was suddenly beset by a crazed old man in a lab coat. Our conversation went something like this.

"Hello sir, my name is Crimson Palletswap and I came to register to become an official Pokémon trainer."

"Hello there, glad to meet you"

"I'm glad to be here, you have no idea what kind of trouble I had to go through to g—"

"Welcome to the world of PROFESSOR. My name is Oak"

"So you're the famous Pokémon profe—"

"People affectionately refer to me as the POKEMON PROFESSOR

"That's what I j—"

"This world… is inhabited far and wide by creatures called POKEMON"

"I kind of know that already, I have a Slowpoke right next to me you kn—"

"For some people, POKEMON are pets. Others use them for battling."

"Yes, I plan to do the latter, so if we cou—"

"As for myself…"

"You're a researcher"

"I study POKEMON for a profession"

"I already sa—"

"But first, tell me a little about yourself"

"Like I already said my name is Crims—"

"Now tell me. Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"

"Mister are you having a stroke?"

"Let's begin with your name. What is it?"

"I alread—"

"Right… So your name is Ialread."

"What? No!"

"This is my grandson," said Oak, gesturing to a person in the back who I only just noticed.

"He's been your rival since you both were babies."

"No," I said," I'm pretty sure this is the first time I have ever seen this person"

"… Erm, what was his name now?"

"You don'—"

"… Er, was it Youdon'?"

"I KEEP TELLING YOU OLD MAN I'M NOT YOUR F#$%&* GRANDSON!" shouted the odd background boy.

"That's a heck of a mouth you have on you," I replied.

"You would be swearing too if he kept you in here for weeks waiting for your 'rival' to show up"

"That's right! I remember now! His name is Youdon'!" Oak shouted.

"Ialread! Your very own POKEMON legend is about to unfold! A world of dreams and adventures with POKEMON awaits! Let's go!"

"Can I register now?" I asked.

"Here are your three starting POKEMON," said Oak, "BULBASAUR, CHARMANDER, and SQUIRTLE"

He then released3 Pokémon from his balls, a blue turtle, a green bulb with a dinosaur attached to it, and a pink lizard with his tail on fire.

"Finally!" said my rival, "I've already decided to go with Bulbasaur"

Oak immediately slapped him and yelled, "LET IALREAD PICK FIRST!"

I looked my choices up and down. Squirtle was playing with its tail, Bulbasaur was giving off pollen, and Charmander was hopping back and forth eagerly.

I looked each of them in the eye. Squirtle looked half asleep, Bulbasaur looked bored by the whole thing, and Charmander… I was taken aback by the intensity of that stare. It was a look that asked for no quarter, and offered none. Those were the eyes of a warrior. Suddenly it felt like I wasn't the one scrutinizing. It was like it was testing me, seeing if I was worthy of being its master. What felt like an eternity went by as we stared at each other, it seeking a master, and I seeking my own worth.

Suddenly the moment was shattered by my still unnamed rival shouting, "WILL YOU GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!" (turns out we were staring at each other for over 3 hours)

I look back to Charmander, and see the faintest of smiles on his averted face.

"I'm going with Charmander" I said.

"FINALLY!" shouted my rival, "anyways I'm going with Bulba—"

"So I see you're going with SQUIRTLE," Oak said to him.

"No, I want Bulbasa—"

"Here are your POKEDEXS," said Oak, handing us both calculators, only they have Pokémon

instead of numbers before beginning to ramble about asparagus.

"Let's go!" said my rival.

After quickly getting out of there, I turned to my rival and asked, "So what's your real name?"

"I'm Teal, Teal Inedible."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Crimson Palletswap"

"So, wanna see what our new Pokémon can do?"

"You mean a battle?"

"Yup"

"Ok, but be gentle, it's my first time"

"Really, me too"

"So one on one, no holds barred?"

"LET'S BATTLE"

To be continued because I'm really tired right now

~Crimson Palletswap~


	3. Chapter 3

part 3

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 2 continued

Sorry about that, I just had to take care of some business that I'll tell you about next time (it involved pooping).

So there we were, me vs. Teal, eternal rivals locked in an epic struggle (not really but that sounds really cool)

"One Pokémon each," he said. "No time limit."

"Have there ever been time limits on battles?" I asked.

"Well there are contest battles."

"Those poketerpretive dances they do in Hoenn for people who don't have the balls for real battles?"

"Screw you those take talent!"

"And an utter disregard for the laws of physics"

"This coming from the guy with the fire breathing lizard?"

"… Touché"

"Can we start now?"

"Oh, while I was distracting you with that conversation my Charmander already took down your Bulbasaur" I

replied, pointing to the scratched up frame of his unconscious plant-dinosaur.

After a long stream of cusses from Teal that I'd prefer not to repeat, he quickly fed Bulbasaur a Revival Herb he had in his pocket. Oddly enough his Bulbasaur seemed only mildly annoyed at the whole event and most of that came from the bitter herb he ate.

"Now let's try that again," said Teal. "BULBASAUR! USE TACKLE!"

"CHARMANDER! DODGE!"

Bulbasaur charged in trying to knock Charmander over with his huge weight, but Charmander quickstepped to the side and slashed out with his claws as it passed by.

"USE GROWL!" shouted Teal, frustration evident in his voice.

"AVOID!"

Bulbasaur opened its maw and let loose a low pitched sound. However with speed that shocked everyone watching (except Slowpoke (because every speed faster than a crawl is shocking for him)) Charmander appeared behind Bulbasaur and sliced the poor thing's bulb open.

"… Bulbasaur?" Teal said apprehensively.

Bulbasaur gave him an apologetic look, then passed out (or died).

Teal somberly returned the broken plant back to its Pokeball, then turned back to me, his face red. Faster than I could react he launched a swift kick at Charmander. Charmander didn't even flinch as the blow missed him.

"Lucky I'm not a sore loser," Teal said, but I knew from the surprised look on his face that that blow was meant to connect

"I'm gonna go get some medical help for my poor Bulbasaur," he said, running off.

I have decided on a name for my Charmander, based on all the attributes he has demonstrated to me. A warrior's spirit, speed far beyond any other Charmander, and a pink coloration that I can only guess throws off people's aim. I shall name him, Char.

Crimson Palletswap

P.S. as we headed north on route 1, we caught a huge bird. You could say, dinner?


	4. Chapter 4

part 5

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 4

I never quite knew how far my parents' desires for Pokefreedom had spread until today. Truly it is a sad thing that many children of today will never experience the magical and life changing passage that is a Pokémon journey. I weep for these children, for they will never know what it is like to have a being who trusts you with its life, and wishes nothing more than to help you reach your ultimate goal. These creatures, who grow beside us as we grow because of them, are meant to live with us. Nurture us, as we nurture them, both sides becoming better for it, both reaching heights that could never be achieved individually. Still there are those who wish to take away the right to grow. Those who wish to cleave the yin from the yang and force the halves separate. They claim it is for the sake of "safety" and "humanity" but they don't understand. There is no safety from growth, for it is nature's way to always expand to new heights. Humanity needs Pokémon, ours is a bond that cannot be broken. It transcends time, is not confined by space, and even exists in the furthest reaches of the netherworld. It is greater than the power to move continents, change the weather, and mold the earth itself. It is greater than the mightiest storm and the one who quells it. It goes from the darkest depths of the ocean into the highest reaches of the heavens. Some call it friendship, others love, but it goes even beyond that. It is the thing that binds us together and separates us from the cold rocks in the sky. It is Life. The universal harmony of existence and we who can appreciate that fact. It is the Great Spirit that ties every living thing together and makes us what we are.

But I'm getting carried away so I'll just tell you what happened today.

I was just picking up Fearow from Nurse Joy (I was having him checked for diseases, parasites, bug Pokémon (you know, because I just caught him)). She was just handing me some drops to get rid of some pesky ear mites (for me, not Fearow) when suddenly two boys ran up to me. They appeared to be either 7 or 8 and each one was holding a Pidgey.

They both shifted around nervously for a moment until one of them worked up the courage to speak up. "Excuse us mister" he said, "could you help us out?"

"Depends on what the problem is" I replied

"You see, we've been fighting all day over which of use has the better Pidgey"

"And you want me to decide for you," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah"

"We saw your bird and figured you would know" the other one piped in.

"Well why don't you battle them?" I said, "It's generally the easiest way to judge"

"You mean make our Pokémon fight?" said the first boy

"That's the general idea"

"My mommy says it's wrong to make Pokémon fight" said the second kid

"I'm pretty sure your Pokémon would be ok with it"

"My mommy still says it's bad"

"Tell you what, just let me finish up here and we can all have a talk with your mommy"

I turned around and quickly returned Fearow to its pokeball. When I turned back around I saw that both kids had taken a step back and were giving me fearful looks.

"What?" I asked

"That's a pokeball" said the first boy

"I know, and both your Pidgeys are brown"

"My mommy says that pokeballs are evil devices that imprison Pokémon"

"Well I've never heard Fearow complain once, and besides as a trainer it's much simpler this

way"

Both boys took another step back

"My mommy says that Pokémon trainers are bad people who hurt Pokémon for their own amusement"

"Well you can tell your mommy that training is an honored profession and that many of its elites are held in the highest regard"

"Still doesn't stop you from being a bad person" said the first kid

"Tell you what, when your figure out which of you has the best Pidgey then you can talk. Now if you'll excuse me I have to grab my lizard"

With that both kids went off.

I turned back to Nurse Joy and said, "Kids these days, I feel sorry for them"

"Yes," said Joy, looking worried "all this hate towards trainers is really unfounded"

"Yeah... I swear ONE GUY has his Rhyperior go on a killing spree and suddenly all trainers are blacklisted"

"Indeed… "

"So what can you tell me about the local gym?"

"Sadly the leader had to leave town due to the near constant protests outside so it's been shut down for now"

"It's been that bad?"

"Most trainers can't even come into town without being mobbed. How did you do it?"

"Dumb luck I guess"

"Well you best leave quickly before word spreads. Head north through Viridian Forest and you should hit Pewter City; they still have their gym open."

"Thank you"

With that I quickly cheesed-it out of town before the mob could get their improvised weapons ready and set up camp just outside of the forest.

Philosopher Poet

Crimson Palletswap

P.S. tomorrow I conquer the woods


	5. Chapter 5

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 5

Well I'm completely lost.

I went into the woods today and got lost about 5 steps in.

I think I've passed the same stump 14 times.

I tried my compass but it's acting wonky.

I'd use the sun but the trees are so thick I can't get through them.

Char suggested burning the whole thing down, but I pointed out that that would burn us too.

I tried flying out on Fearow but he wouldn't let me on, something about not being worthy of riding him.

Slowpoke didn't suggest anything, but he'll hit a conclusion eventually.

I caught a pair of worms, one was green and one was yellow.

I battled with them and they hardened.

Saw a group of yellow rats, Fearow went berserk on them. I wonder if he's not telling me something.

Came across a flock of Pidgey, had a great lunch.

Found some bones in the brush, questioned my chances.

I wonder if grampa ever had to go through this crap on his journey. Of course Unova is much easier to navigate than Kanto. I miss grampa, I hope he's ok. He should be, he was always so strong. I hope I can be as strong as him.

My worms are cracking, now I have a butterfly and a bee. I don't like bee's, they always seem to target me.

Making camp now, hope tomorrow is better.

Help!

Crimson Palletswap


	6. Chapter 6

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 23, Part 1

I I've discovered several things about myself today. I learned that when someone tries to force their ideas on me I react with hostility and anger. I learned that when you spend 2 week lost in a forest you tend to start smelling really bad. I learned that I hate Geodudes. And I learned that Purple Lagann is completely awesome.

So I woke up in the morning feeling just like P. Diddy (the P stands for Pokémon). After taking a shower (you'd be amazed how much dirt, dead skin, and feces collect on the human body over a 2 week period) I went downstairs to the lobby. It was early in the morning so Nurse Joy and I were the only ones there. I figured information is a good weapon so I went to the desk.

"Hello there, welcome to the Pokémon Center, how may I help you?" asked Joy, giving me that slightly creepy mechanical smile that seems common to all Nurse Joys.

"Well first things first" I pull out my Pokeballs, "I just got out of the Viridian Forest, so I want to make sure my Pokémon haven't caught anything"

"Thank you" said Nurse Joy as I gave her my balls, which she passed to a waiting Chansey "anything else?"

"What's the status of the local Gym? I heard the Viridian one has all but shut down"

"Indeed, I hope Blue is ok. I still remember when he came through this center as a bright eyed new trainer"

"That was over 30 years ago"

"And?" she asked innocently. I decided to let the subject drop.

"Anyway how is the Pewter Gym holding up?"

"Well I'm happy to say that the Gym is still in operation, however they haven't seen a challenger in several months"

"That's a pity, but I plan to change that"

"Be careful, there are about half a dozen protesters who've set up a picket line outside the place, they'll be difficult to get past"

"Miss, I have a giant bird capable of carrying me, a Pokémon that has as of yet to be officially discovered, one that breaths fire, and one that flash froze an ocean, I don't think they could pose much of a threat"

Nurse Joy just looked worried as she walked into the back to check on my Pokémon.

I was hungry, and I was really looking forward to being able to eat something that I didn't have to kill myself.

To Be Continued

Crimson Palletswap

Coming Next Time: I Really Hate Geodudes


	7. Chapter 7

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 23, Part 2

So it turns out the picket line wasn't nearly as hard to cross as I thought. Most of the Pokeactivists (I'm pretty sure that's what they're calling themselves) were recovering from a late night Oddish leaf binge (it's not called the weed Pokémon for nothing), meaning that they didn't put up much of a fight as I stepped over them. One guy was lucid enough to mumble a feeble "hey… wait" but I ignored him.

So I walked straight into the Gym. The place was large and filled with rocks, must specialize in grass type.

Suddenly I am accosted by an incredibly old man wearing sunglasses.

"Hey boy" he said "you're the first challenger I've seen in months"

"Well I'm here to fix that" I replied "so are you the Gym Leader?"

"No boy, I'm just a man who loves to watch Gym battles"

"Ok, so where is the Gym Leader?"

"You'll have to pick your way over these rocks to get to him"

"Not a problem" I said. With that I unleashed Fearow who with a few flaps of his wings was able to easily get me over to the other side.

At least that's what I would have said if a huge rock hadn't blindsided us halfway there.

"In order to battle Master Brock, you have to go through me" said a not quite so young Youngster.

"WAS IT REALLY NECSSARY TO THROW A BOULDER AT ME?"

"… Shut up and fight me"

With that he sent out a rock with arms (I my Pokedex called it a Geodude). Fearow was riled up and ready for a fight. Using the same strategy that he used to crack all those Metapods, Fearow firmly held the rock thing down as its beak began to drill into a promising crack in the armor. And then the rock punched him. And then it punched him. And punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him and punched him. I don't think Fearow will be flying anytime soon.

I quickly grabbed another Pokeball and sent out whoever was inside (I really need to label them). Turns out Char was in that one.

As it so happens Geodudes melt when exposed to high intensity flames. 5 melted Geodude later and I was on my way... only to be intercepted by another trainer with 6 Geodudes… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another… and another. By the end I was just having Char fry the trainers before they could even send out a Pokémon and I'm pretty sure more than one guy was just going into a supply room to restock on the rocky buggers.

Finally I reached the leader Brock. He was a great mountain of a man, hardened by age, with thick glasses that are meant to compensate for his chronic squinting problem.

"You have finally arrived" he said"and I think you melted over half the Gym's supply of Geodudes in the process"

"THAT WAS ONLY HALF!"

"Yep. Nurse Joy is going to have fun tonight"

"Let's just get this over with"

Char was Blazing pretty hard by this point but I figured he'd be ok. Brock replied by sending out, get this, ANOTHER Geodude. Char seemed just as annoyed as I was, and immediately opened with a blistering gout of flames that seared the battlefield for several minutes before eventually going out. And then the Geodude punched him.

"You honestly think that my Geodude would be that easy to defeat?" said Brock as Char went down.

"Well… sort of… yes" I responded as I sent out Slowpoke "and by the way"

"What"

"Water Gun"

With that Slowpoke spat a trickle of water out of its mouth. The stream dribbled onto the Geodude, where it started to steam.

"What's that gonna do?" asked old man Brock.

Suddenly a series of cracks started to spider web out from the point where the water made contact.

"You know what happens when you rapidly cool something that was superheated?" I asked as Brock's confidence turned to horror. With a loud CRACK the Geodude fell to pieces.

"That really is an impressive battle style" said Brock as he sent out his next Pokémon. And I'll give you 3 guess as to what he sent out next.

That's right, he sent out a Geodu-OH MY ARCEUS WHAT THE FUDGE IS THAT THING.

So yeah, as it turns out rock Pokémon other than Geodude do exist, specifically in the giant rock snake division.

"I'd like you to meet my strongest Pokémon, Onix"

With that my Slowpoke was tail slapped across the room. I don't think he's getting up.

"I guess that means I'll have to send out my last Pokémon as well" as out popped Purple Lagann.

"I've never seen that Pokémon before" said Brock

"I could say the same to you"

"Touché, so what region is that bug from?"

"I have no idea myself"

"Maybe you should have Professor Oak check it out"

"Yeah… I'd rather not"

"Suit yourself"

And with that our final battle began

Onix started off by smashing the ground, sending rubble flying everywhere. But Purple Lagann wove through the debris effortlessly, charging in for a direct hit on the opponents face. Onix countered by releasing a horrible screeching noise from its mouth, which sent Purple Lagann staggering. Onix swiftly brought his tail up to swat the fly out of the air, where it met with the business end of a furiously spinning drill. The clutch was broken quickly, with both Pokémon putting as much distance between itself and the other as possible.

The battle had reached a stalemate, Onix was too tough to damage while Purple Lagann was too fast to hit.

With the heat of the battle getting to me I suddenly remembered a story I once read as a kid, _Battle with the Bengal Raikou_.

"THE EYES, PURPLE LAGAN! THE EYES!"

With that my black beauty beat its wings furiously, and suddenly it was right in front of Onix. With a thrust it drove its drills into the snake's eyes, completely blinding it.

Onix started to thrash around wildly. Its head crashed through walls, its tail sent trainers flying, and it crushed countless Geodudes under it (score). Then the trashing started to get uncomfortably close. After ducking under the third wild tail swipe I was getting annoyed. Suddenly Onix turned around and charged right at me. So I did what any sensible person would do in that situation, I decked it with an uppercut. Did you know that when proper force is applied an Onix's head flies clean off its body? I'll bet that's gonna hurt tomorrow.

Brock just stood there staring blankly. I figured that he wouldn't recover for a while, so I just rifled through his pockets until I found a Badge.

"Wow kid, that was amazing!" said sunglasses man as he popped out from behind a boulder (or maybe it was another clump of Geodudes, I don't know anymore), "tell me boy, what is your name?"

"I'm Crimson D. Palletswap, the man who will become King of the Pirates… or the Pokémon League Champion, whichever's easier"

"Palletswap you say? You wouldn't happen to be related to Azure Palletswap would you?"

"Yep, he's my grampa"

"Well well. And here I thought the legend of the Palletswap family died with your father"

"It would have, but I come from a family of Champions, so there's no way I was going to be stopped"

"Well I wish you luck Azure's grandson, and try not to get torn apart by those people on the way out"

"No need to worry about me"

"You really are just like him"

With a wave I exited the Gym

And walked right into one of the worst events of my life

To Be Continued

~Crimson Palletswap

Coming Next Time: A chance reunion


	8. Chapter 8

Pokémon Journey Day 23, Part 3

So I was walking out of the Gym feeling pretty good about myself. Purple Lagann was flapping lazily behind me since he didn't feel like going into his Pokeball. I was still pumped from the battle and was hoping I would never have to see another Geodude as long as I live. I was in such that I had completely forgotten about the nuisance outside.

"Hey you! How dare you cross our picket line" shouted a balding middle aged man with a huge potbelly and a scruffy beard.

I straightened up and eyed the man, trying my best to sound dignified and intimidating, "I am a Pokémon Trainer officially licensed and recognized by the Pokémon League Association and am therefore perfectly within my rights to challenge a recognized Gym"

"but that doesn't mean we have to let you pass" said the bearded idiot

"sir, do you insist on trying to stop me?" as I said this I shifted my hand slightly to give him a good view of my bruised knuckles, bits of Onix still imbedded in my skin.

The man blanched and muttered, "w-well, maybe just this onc-GAKKK!"

His sentence abruptly ended as a foot came into sudden contact with his head.

"Boss!" said a couple of the group as the bearded guy was sent flying.

There stood before me a girl about my age. She wore a simple medium length skirt with high leggings and a blue tank top over a black tee shirt. Her hair reached down to her waist and her face was fixed in a stern scowl, a scowl I know all too well.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU IDIOTS ABOUT WATCHING THE GYM" she shouted, her open mouth revealing a pair of very pronounced canine teeth.

One of the people, a short, pudgy, middle aged women tentatively raised her hand, "don't l-let anyone p-"

"YOU'RE DARN RIGHT YOU DON'T LET ANYONE PAST!" she screamed as she punched the woman in the face.

"Kimidori Pigment" I said, emphasizing every syllable, "oh how the mighty have fallen"

"AND JUST HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!" she yelled as she turned to me.

Confusion turned to recognition as she looked at me

"Crimson Palletswap" she said, using the same syllabic emphasis I used, "I thought you were dead"

"well it's quite obvious I am still alive; now tell your old friend why you're so disappointed to see him"

"I guess it's true what they say then, fools never die"

"so I'm a fool now?"

"of course, all Trainers are fools"

"and what of you then, how did you come to such a sorry state? The Kimidori I knew would have already kicked the crap out of these guys for spewing the crap they do"

"I grew up and saw the light"

"I'd like to meet the people who brainwashed you, tell them that I admire the effectiveness of their work"

"you would say that"

"and what of Carpy then? What happened to the little guy?"

"he's still around, and not quite as little"

With that she pulled out a Pokeball while the rest of her group scrambled for cover, and by cover I mean flat out running as far from us as possible. I figured out why an instant later when from out of it emerged a huge blue serpent.

"so cute little Carpy evolved into a great big Gyrados" I said, look admiringly at the sea monster in the room.

"so now are you interested in listening to us?" Kimidori asked, lowering her voice dangerously.

"of course not" I replied immediately "besides, I know Carpy would never attack me"

Now poor Carpy seemed really confused by all this. On one hand he seemed overjoyed to see me again, but on the other he could tell that Kimidori was getting very angry at me.

"I doubt that. I've specifically trained him as a Trainer breaker and don't think that he'll hold back out of friendship"

"who said anything about friendship?" I said, turning my smile into a scowl, "I say he won't attack me because he knows the consequences"

Carpy was getting very scared by this point and was trying to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible. Kimidori wasn't intimidated.

"do you think you could take him in his new form?"

I held up my busted hand again, "I believe there's another big snake inside that can attest to my prowess"

"then I'll take you myself!' Kimidori shouted and charged at me.

Suddenly a puff of green powder shot out from the side and hit her in the face.

"wha-" said Kimidori as she passed out.

"glad I got here in time" said a familiar voice from a nearby tree.

"Teal?" I asked.

"the one and only" he said, slipping down from a tree with his Bulbasaur beside him.

"why did you stop her? I could have taken her"

Teal sighed "you really know nothing about politics do you?"

"what do you mean?"

"Listen" said Teal in the condescending tone you use when teaching a first grader something, "if she assaulted you and you fought back, it would go down as another violent Pokémon Trainer attacking an innocent civilian. The anti-Trainer faction has massive influence in the media so they could report it in a way that suits their purposes."

"then how do you explain what you did?"

"simple, that girl was spontaneously attacked by a wild Pokémon. You fled and as she tried to follow she took a Sleep Powder to the face and passed out"

"devious, But what do we do with her? We can't just leave her here."

"don't worry, that big guy over there will take care of him" he said, indicating Carpy, who was still huddled in the corner. As it turned out there were a pair of Nidorans (both different genders) in front of Carpy holding him back with Scary Face.

"impressive specimens" I said, indicating the pair "where did you find them"

"East side of Viridian, but let's get out of here before we go trading stories."

"good idea"

We both left quickly, and after a quick stop at the Pokémon Center, skipped town. We set up camp on the western outskirts of Pewter City that night.

My best friend is lost to me,

~Crimson Palletswap


	9. Chapter 9

Crimson Palletswap

Pokémon Journey Day 23

TIME FOR BACKSTORY!

Kimidori and I were friends growing up. We live in the same neighborhood and went to school together.

We first met in preschool. On the first day at recess she tried to make herself the "Boss of the Playground". Her plan of conquest was simple, beat up all who opposed her. Meanwhile I was crouched over playing with a little stream of water I found. So having whipped all the other kids into shape she noticed that I was the only one left. She started with the whole "intimidating shadow" approach where you stand over someone and have them look up from the sudden lack of light, but since it was cloudy that day it didn't work. She then tried yelling at me, but I was too engrossed in messing with the stream's flow that I didn't notice. She then decided to kick my stream, effectively ruining it…

She lost 5 baby teeth that day.

From then on she would constantly be challenging me to fights. Since we lived near each other she quickly found out where I lived so I had to deal with her daily. She would usually find me sleeping with Slowpoke in the yard. The first time she found me like that she tried to wake me up by punching my head and shouting…

She lost another 3 baby teeth. To this day she still makes sure to be a safe distance away before attempting to wake me up.

So after a few years of daily scrapping, which I invariably won, we eventually developed a sort of mutual respect for each other. Well for her it was respect, for me it was a sort of acceptance of the person who constantly interrupted my nap time. During that time I told her stories about my epic Grampa and my hopes to one day become a great Trainer like him. These stories convinced her to become a great Trainer as well.

Kimidori liked to blame her constant defeats on the fact that I had a Pokémon while she didn't (not that Slowpoke ever actually did anything other than sleep). So one day I got sick of her complaining and took her out to the beach to catch her a Pokémon. We soon came across a red fish flopping around on the beach. We decided to ignore it and keep looking. After 3 hours looking and no better find, we decided to head home and try again tomorrow. The next day all we found was the same fish flopping around. By the fourth day out of shear annoyance Kimidori threw a rock she had on hand at it. Only it turned out it wasn't a rock, it was a Pokeball. And thus we got Carpy.

It's interesting how a Pokémon tends to resemble its Trainer. Much like its Trainer Carpy was violent and reckless. And much like me Slowpoke would get annoyed and swat it away with minimal effort. Of course the only thing that Carpy could do on land was flop around ineffectually so I suppose that helped.

This went on for several years until we both hit the age of ten. You remember my story about how me and my dad reached an agreement? Yeah… well… I lied about that. Truth is I took everything of value that wasn't nailed down and ran like heck. It helped that at that time my parents were in the Safari Zone tying themselves to Sudowodoo's (I'm pretty sure chaining yourself to a 4 foot tall Pokémon does nothing but hurt it but it was a good time for me). Kimidori was coming with me. Her parents were, how should I put this nicely, dumb as dirt. They had no qualms with their daughter becoming a Pokémon Trainer, but they did forget about the whole living on an island thing, which in retrospect given that Kimidori's parents had a boat kind of makes me feel stupid.

But me and Kimidori had our own plan. For the past few months we were building a makeshift raft out of driftwood, stolen lumber, stolen rope, stolen sheets, and stolen turpentine. Needless to say this raft was HOT (in that 90% of the materials were stolen) (Kimidori may be an idiot but gosh darn it that girl is good with her hands (giggity)). So on our rafts maiden voyage was going pretty well. The sky was clear; there was a good wind and current taking us directly north. At least I thought it was north, but it turns out Kimidori thought the sun rises in the north so we were actually going east.

Now any sailor worth his salt knows that the east coast of Cinnabar Island is pretty weird. I had just realized the navigation mistake when suddenly we were hit by a freak storm. The sky turned black, we were going up 20 foot waves, and I swear I saw a strange thumbprint under the water.

Now massive storm+ tiny homemade raft= disaster

All I know is that the raft was destroyed and when I came to I was in front of the old burnt out laboratory… which is weird given that the lab is pretty far inland. Either way me and Slowpoke snuck into town. From what I gathered from a stolen newspaper (don't judge me it was for a good cause) I'd been out a couple of days (but given my usual sleeping habits that wasn't too big a problem). It turned out Kimidori was found washed up on the beach and the media decided to make it out as another "Horrors of Pokémon Training" story. Like I said before, Kimidori's parents are idiots so they instantly believed that Pokémon Training was bad and had Kimidori carted off to one of those uber-Arcesian camps where they where they mentally destroy children until they become mindless tools that always obey the system. Well we saw the result just now of how bad the brainwashing was. Also I was declared dead. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth I used my new status to put my all into crossing to Pallet Town… for 7 years.

Well me and Teal will be traveling together for a while, we both are going to the same places, safety in numbers, I have no social skills, he has no survival skills, it's a good deal.

Backstory over,

Go home

~Crimson Palletswap


	10. Chapter 10

Teal and Crimson's Excellent Adventure Part 1

Weather: Cloudy

Mood: Mildly annoyed

HELLO READERS!

HERE AND NOW FROM YOUR NEW NARRATOR, TEAL!

After Crimson showed me his blog he agreed to let me handle the writing ^_^

First I guess I should tell you a little about myself.

I'm from Lavender town (the place with all the ghosts). The rest of my history is none of your business.

Also I should warn you right now I'm a bit of an Otaku so if I start throwing around anime references please bear with me.

My current team is made up of my beloved Bulbasaur and my pair of Nidorans.

How did I catch these Nidorans you ask? Why I wandered around the west end of Viridian city until I stumbled across the pair (I have a bit of a thing for poison types). After an epic battle of Tackle spamming and 2 PokeBalls I caught my darling pair.

Between the 3 of them I was able to walk through the Pewter Gym with ease (Bulbasaur spammed Razor Leaf while the Pink & Blue due spammed Double Kick).

I decided to stay in town a couple of days to stock up on supplies and plot my route.

Then the Pokeactivists came.

Now my first instinct was to cheese-it out of town, but then I remembered a certain red-hat-wearing-battler who was lagging behind me and has the self control of a 5 year old.

So I decided to wait for Crimson because I figured that having 10 Pokeactivists torn to shreds by a pink Charmander wouldn't do wonders for the Trainer PR.

And today I figured out why it took him so long to get to town, the guy has no sense of direction. Seriously, it's like he's the love child of Roronoa Zolo and Ryoga Hibiki… and now I'm picturing Ryoga Hibiki having sex with Roronoa Zolo… why do I keep doing that?

So our destination was Mount Moon, a freaking big mountain in plain sight along a single straight path between 2 cliffs, nearly impossible get lost. I say nearly impossible because somehow he managed it.

We broke camp and Crimson took the lead. I swear we never turned or left the path but somehow after 3 hours of walking we managed to end up right back where we started. So it looks like I'll be handling navigation from now on.

After a brisk 15 minute walk we arrived at Mount Moon (I'm still trying to figure that one out).

As we entered the cave complex that lead to the other end of the mountain (and hence our destination) we ran into a flock of very hungry Zubats. I sent out Bulbasaur while Crimson sent out his Charmander. Bulbasaur used Vine Whip to slap around any Zubats that got too close. One particular slap lead to a Zubat landing right at my feet, which I quickly snapped up with a Pokeball.

Behind me I suddenly heard what sounded like the roar of a humongous beast and felt a vast amount of heat wash over my back.

I turned around to catch Crimson plucking a large group of flash fried Zubats out of the air, the few left fleeing to the safety of the cave.

"So what would you say your count was?" he asked as he turned to me.

"I'm not sure, but I managed to catch one" I replied.

"Why would you want to do that? Everybody knows Zubats are both incredibly common and incredibly useless"

As we walked through the cave I explained to him about how Crobat is one of the fasted Pokémon around and how fast moving poison dart is a completely legitimate strategy and that if you raise a Zubat from very low level you're likely to get a high powered Crobat very soon after it evolves into a Golbat. Of course I found that the effectiveness of this speech was kind of dampened by Crimson munching on the cooked bats he was carrying while I talked. I swear the boy eats like a garbage disposal, both in volume and in the fact that he will eat anything if it stands still long enough.

After a good while of walking through the maze of tunnels Crimson suddenly held his hand out to stop me. He signaled for me to be quiet and cocked his head to the side like he was listening to something. I started to listen too. After a few seconds I heard what sounded like… Chanting?

While I tried to figure out why there would be chanting in the middle of a cave Crimson moved over to one particular fork in the road. He turned his head slowly from side to side and sniffed the air around the openings. He then indicated that we should take the left path. Now knowing his sense of direction I normally never would have agreed with him, but this time my own calculations as to how to get through this complex also indicated the left path so I followed along on this one.

As time passed the chanting got louder and the Crimson got grimmer. He then stopped at a corner and held out his hand for me to wait. He slowly looked around the corner and then waved for me to look with him. The angle of the corridor beyond made it nearly impossible to see into the next room, but from the sound coming from it it was obvious that the chanting was coming from there and I could just make out off to the side what appeared to be some tiny pink creatures that appeared to be facing away from use.

Crimson indicated a rock tumble about 5 yards away, signed for me to wait, and with very impressive speed darted behind it to better observe the situation. After a couple of heartbeats he waved for me to come as fast and quietly as possible.

From behind the tumble I saw the event unfold.

The things chanting looked like pink, misshapen children with small wings and curly tails. They had formed a circle around large rock which was set up into what look like an altar.

Upon the altar was another of the pink things bedecked with stone jewelry and holding what appeared to be a knife made of obsidian. Now what made this situation truly disturbing was the naked man tied to the stone. He was in his 20's and appeared to be drugged out of his mind, which I suppose given the situation might have been a good thing, lest his mind snap from fear.

The head creature was heating the knife over a flame as it muttered incantations.

The man groaned.

The chanting was getting louder.

The priest creature pulled the knife off the flames and examined it closely.

I reached for my PokeBalls but Crimson caught my hand and shook his head.

As the chanting was reaching a crescendo the head monster raised the knife.

I struggled to free myself but Crimson's grip was like iron.

The chanting stopped and the priest held the knife over its head. The knife hung in the air for a second, and then with a sudden movement it brought it down.

The knife pierced through the man's flesh, and with swift, surgical precision the pink thing cut out the man's… appendix.

As it turned out this was not some dark blood ritual to an ancient god but in fact a life saving emergency surgery.

It was at this point that I realized I was screaming, or I would have been if Crimson didn't have his other hand clamped firmly over my mouth. Once he was sure that I wouldn't freak out he let go of me. He then signaled in the direction of another tunnel that was behind us and we were off, but not before he pocketed a couple of rocks (rock collection?).

After we left the cavern far, far behind us I finally got my voice to obey me again.

"Why did you stop me?"

"Because you would have screwed up the ritual" Crimson said it as if it should have been obvious.

"But for all we knew they could have eviscerated that man and used his intestines and party streamers"

"No they wouldn't have"

"How do you know that"

"Several reasons, 1st is that the Clefairy tribe of Mt. Moon was completely converted to Arceinity 20 years ago and human sacrifice to the Great Moon Stone hasn't occurred since that time. 2nd the man strapped to the rock was Professor Seymour Awesome, a man who has been studying and living among the Mt. Moon Clefairy for many years, I don't think they would just randomly kill him. 3rd those chants we heard were defiantly prays of healing, not something like good harvest or fertility. And finally Slowpoke wasn't worried about it so I knew I shouldn't be either." It was at that time that I realized Slowpoke was walking with us, I never remembered seeing it come out of its ball.

"And why didn't you let me in on any of this before hand?"

"Partially because I thought it was kind of obvious that that was the case and partially because it was funny to watch you freak out"

"You're kind of sick, you know that"

"Yes, I am a horrible person who does not deserve to be in your presence, you are the best Teal and everybody loves you and I can only hope to match your awesomeness." (I swear he totally said this)

It was at that time that we rounded a corner and found ourselves at the exit. It was already night when we exited Mt. Moon, so we set up camp right outside the cave.

To be continued

With lots of love,

~Teal "The Incredible" Inedible 3


End file.
